I Think We're Coming Out of Egypt...

The cause of this post? Steve got a new job this week that we believe is an answer to 4 1/2 years of prayers.

The odds felt against us because of our current terrible economy. But we don't serve a God who deals with the odds.

Unemployment is rampant and good jobs scarce, and it felt impossible. But we don't serve a God who even knows the word impossible.

And so God answered those prayers in a mighty way for us. This week Steve was offered a job that, it appears, suits him perfectly. He's no longer dealing with the ups and downs of commission sales, he's fully salaried. With benefits, bonus plan, and a great schedule.

In the last 4 1/2 years, he endured a total of 16 months of unemployment...a banking job that was a nightmare...and a sales job for phone book advertising to customers that mostly did not want to see him come through the door - all they saw was another salesman taking up their time. It was totally not a fit for him, mostly commission (not pretty in this economy) and therefore, also highly stressful. (He was happy to have this job though, as it was better than unemployment.)

And yet...we are thankful for all that happened during that time.

We're thankful because as much as God had to drag me kicking and screaming through the City of Pity where I was then residing (also known as my Egypt), I learned some things. And just maybe, that was His purpose? I admit one thing here though...I didn't want to learn what He taught me.

I looked back at a few of my blog posts during this time, and I could actually see the progress I made as God drug me through my emotional battle during this time in my life. A few reflected the "why me" issues; then later, I could see the acceptance of His will, not mine. Of His time, not mine.

Looking back over this time period, I realize I thought, hey, we put in our lean years and worked to get to this point in our lives, that at our age, we were entitled to the "American Dream" we had worked years for, of being in our fifties and financially secure with an early retirement where we got to travel, play with our grandchildren, move to our dream house, and just feel comfy and cozy with our life. (Okay, this all sounds shallow, and I guess it is so I'm really putting myself out here in a show of reality.)

Instead, when we hit our fifties and found that Steve entered unemployment for the very first time in his life, and that his cancer was the cherry on top, I said, "Ummmm, excuse me God, but did you forget that this isn't how it's supposed to work?" I was being polite at that time (haha), but when he hit his second phase of unemployment, and it was for a full year, I resorted to asking him, "Hello, did you forget us or something??" It was definitely a spiritual childish moment in my life, and it wasn't just one brief moment as I struggled with it for awhile, yet in the grief of that time in our lives, it was very real. I was not in control, I couldn't "fix" it, and I felt forgotten.

But I'm thankful I had that moment because it was the beginning of learning a few things.

God really doesn't answer our prayers the way we order Him to do it. You know, like we order something at Burger King?

We aren't entitled to anything in this world. We were created for His purpose, not our own. We don't live in a perfect world, so things won't be perfect.

We learned to count our blessings, and realized they were many. We pulled together in our efforts and in cutting back if needed. And through this time, we realized we were eating...we were breathing...we were actually enjoying our lives! In short, we learned that even in the City of Pity, we...are...blessed! Shocking that we don't need as many things as we want, huh? And yet God provided abundantly, we still did some traveling, enjoyed our grandchildren, and lived life fully.

Another thing I learned was that I might as well tell God how I feel. He already knows anyway. So I did my fist-shaking, my crying and my unloading and guess what? He didn't zap me with lightening or anything! But He did restore peace, and He did bring new mercies every morning that I needed them.

And as time went by through this 4 1/2 years, I was yielding it to Him sooner rather than later, and actually adopted an attitude of amusement when some situations came up, with curiousity when I wondered just what He'd do with those opportunities that came up. I learned to say, and really believe (most of the time, anyway) that He would take care of us and that our future really was up to Him. I finally realized I didn't have the power over my life (a shock to me!), and was surprised to find that I was no longer struggling to have the power. You have no idea how much progress this was for me. I'm a bit of a control freak - just ask my husband!

So here we are today. He is between the two jobs so we're doing what anyone would do before his new job starts - we're going to Disneyland!

I feel like the Israelites must have felt coming out of Egypt - freed from slavery. But in my case, I was freed from the struggle to control God's plan for my life and to realize that I never had that control anyway. And can I hear an Amen that I don't have the power?? Now that would be scary!

I really think I appreciate our lives more. I appreciate that our health (despite the cancer) is good! I am blessed with my family! We both have jobs and don't wonder where our next meal is coming from. We are warm, dry and happy when we go to bed at night. And I know that in this world today, that is saying something so really - who am I to complain.

Now, I'm off to enjoy my Promised Land, whatever that may be!